Feelings are for Feeling

Yesterday I cried.

I cried hard.

Real tears poured down my face and my body broke.

I felt this coming for days, but kept pushing it down.

I cried for no reason and every reason all at the same time and I allowed myself to feel all of it.

ALL. OF. IT.

It was necessary and I felt better for letting it all out.

Why do we feel the need to bottle our emotions?

Here’s why I think I do...

I feel embarrassment or shame.  I feel like I should be able to control my emotions better. It has been engrained in me that we only cry if we are weak. Only children cry. There needs to be something really wrong if we cry.

I read these reasons and they make me sad. I know better than all of that. Crying is normal, natural, necessary. I am an extremely empathetic person and our world is in a crisis. I’m trying to navigate a new normal. I am worried. I am anxious. I am trying way too hard to stay strong for my family. It’s a lot. I am allowed to cry. And I know I’m not alone in these feelings.

Feelings are for feeling.

By not allowing ourselves to live into our feelings and to really allow ourselves to FEEL them, we are just asking for a day like yesterday to happen.

A complete meltdown.

A meltdown, that, at the time, felt unjustified.

Not that any feelings needs to be justified at all, but in the moment I could not articulate what was actually wrong. I still can’t.

But, why do I feel the need to justify my feelings? Why do any of us feel like our feelings need to be justified? 

They don’t.

I have been doing a lot of reflection and learning on perspective lately. I can see that there is great power in perspective. WE are in control of our perspective. Even though I felt sad and extremely overwhelmed yesterday, I can still see the good in our new normal.

We have been given the gift of time. A non-renewable resource that we usually take for granted. Something so precious and valuable that we never seem to have enough of. And now we find ourselves with so much of it! And from the beginning of this, I vowed to be intentional with my time. I vowed to be present and available and provide experiences for my children that I was never able to before. I vowed to spend more time with myself. Intentional time to really take care of me. To reflect deeper inward and get clear about what I want and where I want to go. I vowed to create a stronger space for connection with my husband. To be present without distraction. 

Those all remain top values for me, but I have learned that I need to be a little easier on myself. We are all navigating this new normal together. While each of those are entirely attainable, they may not be attainable every day. Some days we need to just be. Just be still in the chaos around us. Just be together with no agenda or schedule. 

As a person who thrives on planning, schedules, routines and calendars, I found myself a little lost when my calendar cleared, literally overnight. My normal, all of our normals, were changed in an instant. 

I immediately started looking for the good! Wow! Imagine what we can do with all this TIME! I filled our first couple weeks with projects, games, movies, puzzles, baking... you name it! And we had FUN! But in the next instant, I found myself questioning, now what?

I live inside of a unique shared custody situation where I go from having a house full of 5 kids one week, to no kids the next week. This is nothing new. This has been our normal for a very long time. But I find myself struggling more on the weeks they are gone, now more than ever. We are following all safety protocols when the kids go back and forth (and also have the added bonus of literally living around the corner from each other, thanks to small town living!) but I have a very real fear that that may have to change eventually. And what if it changes when they aren’t here? I know it doesn’t do well to dwell on “what if’s”, but it’s a real fear! There are a lot of justified, real fears right now!

It’s the uncertainties and “what if’s” that are weighing on me...on many of us... right now. 

And this takes me back to what led me to writing this... allow yourself to feel your feelings. 

You’re scared... that’s ok!

You’re overwhelmed... totally normal!

You’re anxious... you’re allowed to be right now!

You’re lonely, sad, depressed... you’re not alone!

Allow yourself to feel it.... but don’t allow yourself to stay there!

Here’s a couple tips to shift your mood or energy after you’ve allowed yourself to sit with those feelings...

1. MOVE YOUR BODY - it’s real! Move your body and raise your heart rate and I promise your mood will change, almost instantly.

2. REACH OUT - there are times when feeling your feelings becomes too much. You don’t need to take this on alone. Reach out. Ask for help. Talk to someone. I know this is easier said than done sometimes but, there is such thing as sitting inside the darkness too long, and it can be a scary place. If you aren’t sure you’re comfortable enough to reach out to someone you know... reach out to me!

3. JOURNAL - this can be a good way to clear the clutter from your mind. Just write. Don’t overthink it. Just let the words come, even if it doesn’t make sense.

4. HAVE GRACE - be easy on yourself. On the days your feeling off, don’t put huge expectations on yourself. Get up, get dressed and be present... but if that’s all you do, that’s ok!

This is an unprecedented, unchartered territory for all of us. Some days will be productive, filled with joy and you will feel at peace... and some days you won’t. This goes for life outside of a global pandemic as well. 

Just remember these things... 

You are not alone!

Social distancing doesn’t mean social disconnection!

You’re doing your best, and that’s good enough!

Feelings are for feeling!

**now, more than ever, connection is so important! I want to hear from you! How are you? How are you navigating your new normal? Drop me a DM on social (@jodidancause), comment on here or send me an email (jodidancause@gmail.com)

Much love,

J