What to do When Grace Becomes Your Excuse

Today I find myself in a mindset of courage. 

This is exciting, I haven't felt this is a while!

I feel brave!

I feel like I can tackle anything!

I want to start something new.

I want to write and create and do all the things!

I want to feel productive again and serve my community like I once did. 

Like I did before this funk consumed me.

Like I did before I overthought everything. 

I want to nurture the creative juices ready to be spilled.

But then... I don’t.

The excitement turns to overwhelm and guilt.

Overwhelm because I don't know where to start.

Overwhelm because of the things I should be doing instead.

Guilt because it feels wrong to be serving myself and my desires.

Guilt because it feels wrong to be excited.

Guilt because I should be working or cleaning or organizing.

Guilt because I need an excuse.

I sit at my computer ready to write, ready to create and my mind goes blank.

I pick up my journal, which is usually a natural release and my pen doesn’t move.

I go to my closet to organize and shut the door. 

I end up back in the same headspace of overwhelm every single time.

The motivation is in there, I feel it!

The guilt has just been stronger than the drive.

The guilt has become an excuse.

I have given myself a lot of grace in these trying times.

Grace to push a little less.

Grace to let my guard and my self-expectations down just a tad.

Grace to be easy on myself. 

I preach the importance of grace.

But for me, grace has become an excuse. 

Grace has become my ‘out”. 

I don't know what to do, so I’ll have grace and do nothing.

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll have grace and come back to it.

I feel overwhelmed, so I’ll have grace and scratch that off the list.

Dont get me wrong, having grace with yourself is one of the best things you can do.

But, when it becomes an excuse, and when you begin to lose sight of what makes you YOU, its time to dig a little deeper. 

It’s time for ME to dig a little deeper.

It’s time to fight!

It’s time to create and do what fills my heart. 

It’s time to find me again. 

Are you feeling the same pull or drive turned to overwhelm and guilt? 

Has grace become your excuse?

Are you allowing yourself grace for the right reasons?